Bukan karena aku ini Batu :(

That's right, another bad words in the middle of my life. What a suck words :(

People like them will have no care enough to someone like me.

Then I try my best to find my God, but sometimes, I feel, He leaves me alone (doesn't He?) I run into Him, but I find no one. Does my heart hurt? Always...

Still on my big argumentation, could I hate Him? No, I can't. I need Him being here, I ensure my self that He is now helping others, too, who have another reason to be first handled (than mine).

(Again) People like them will have no reactions to what I did in front of them. You will not know that they will not realize what my sacrifices to them. In my high temper, I would say some bad words that I never hate them but I'm really disappointed to them. I sacrifice all my happiness just to them, but now, what they give to me? Nothing. So, I really being offended. I regretted all my sacrifices.

But, then, God talked to me, He said it had been not a regression from my deeply heart coz He know me well, how can I figure all this stuff out. He never leaves me (as I know) coz I really need Him in this time.

If I were a telephone, I would call HIm continuously. In fact, I only hope and give my tears away.

Dear my Beloved God, can I tell them? How I really need their expectation. I won't be a stone for my whole lifetime. It will be some suck human errors in my mind.

Others will say, you can do that or you can't do that. Then, I would say to them, do you mind if you just keep silent beside me? I only need some silence in a existence of humans but don't talk to me to much till the best time I can tell you something. :(

All my hurts, I really hope, will disappear tonight. God, am I doing big sins now?

I'm totally sad and fulled of tears, but I still hope His Light even it will be only a little Light, so I can walk in the top of this stuff. :(

(Again) People like them will never know how I really appreciate them as my big partners in this big world. And now, I try my best to grow older without hurts (as if I were strong enough).

God......................................................

-I love YOu, GOD-